36)Iraq

So I may be going to Iraq sooner than I thought. I received an email from my supervisor this morning asking for volunteers to deploy. I'm not sure about the deployment dates. I kinda freaked out reading the email and realizing that my reality may actually be true. I mean, I joined the Army concsciously knowing about the possibility of going to Iraq. But now that I see it in writing I kinda freaked. I'm not scared of going I'm just scared of not coming back.

35)Lost

So I've been back from BCT/AIT for a month now. Two of those weeks I spent out of the country, so technically I've been home for about two weeks. For some reason I still can't get back into the swing of things. I feel lost. I feel like I've lost who I am.

Maybe it's because I'm not working. I need to find a job. I need to feel worthy. I need to feel busy. I work out for two hours a day and do nothing else. Well, I surf the net and read a book but it doesn't suffice to fulfill my day.

And for some odd reason, I was depressed yesterday. I'm not sure why. I felt sick, like bulimic sick, and didn't have much energy. The lack of energy was due to the feelings of sadness I had running thru my body. I was sad enough to draw in my sketch book. Why did I draw a page full of raindrops that could easily be tears too?

I'm gonna work out later today so hopefully the boost of endorphines will help me feel better.